spoilt or spoiled?

Who knows.

So I was sifting through a book of thoughts & lists I kept a while back & I found this: an essay I wrote for no apparent rhyme or reason about spoiled children. I thought I'd share & get your ideas on the matter.


It is a commonly heard phrase among children that "once you grow up & become a parent you will understand." It is also commonly understood that children often times grow up to be just like their parents when it comes to choosing a spouce & raising children of their own. This is because writing one's future is all based on their past (or more specifically- their childhood). How one grows up is the standard, or norm, for that person. No matter how much one disagrees with their upbringing one is always comparing others to oneself & one's experiences. To put things in a scientific perspective (please excuse my nerdiness), the comparer is like the base unit- grams- and the comparees are like kilograms or micrograms, depending on if they are better or worse. Still with me?

In a long bound, this brings me to the topic of what is good, what is bad; what is right, what is wrong; what is spoilt, what is proper upbringing. In a large family, there are often bitter feelings among siblings over a parent "spoiling" one child more than another. The jipped child is angry because they feel like they're working harder to please & it is unfair that the spoilt child is being wronged by being let off easy. However, if the situation was reversed the now spoilt child would not feel guilty nor wronged at being treated nicer. Why, then, is the non-spoilt child so angry with the spoiled one? Answer: because they are jealous & hurt by the parents unconcerned feelings. This broked & neglected feeling follows the non-spoiled child into adulthood, where they address it by making sure not to spoil their children & snub parents who do.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, for an only-child or and always "spoiled" child, this "spoiling" isn't wrong - it's simply the norm. They often times are confused as to why the other children are mad at them (hidden jealousy) because the "spoiled" child hasn't personally done anything wrong. An only child is often times steriotyped as being spoiled only because they don't have to face the same hardships as other children (competition between siblings) and the only children are thus happier. When they grow up, their children are often "spoiled" too because the parent is remembering a nice & easy childhood & wants to pass it down. The parent does not see anything wrong with this because it is the norm- the base unit; there are harsher ways & more spoiling ways to do things but this is the way it worked for them so this is the way it will work for their children.

Sometimes there are family cases where no one is spoiled & everyone endures the same amount of hardship. In instances like these, there are two ways the adult versions of the children can turn out:
a) they spoil their children because it was the life the parent always dreamed of &
b) they make their children endure hardship because they are convinced they will build more "character" that way & eventually turn out better. But what is character?

In elementary school kids are required to learn all the pillars of character: trustworthiness, kindness, responsibility, etc. (I seem to have forgotten a few- oops!). But who really sets the standards for these? Christians would claim that everything can be measured by the bible, but for all the non-christians in the world, what is there to measure by?

Really, there is no right or wrong way to raise a child (assuming whatever one is doing is legal. MICHAEL JACKSON.) If the child is raised with love & are successful in anyone's eyes including their own, then they are successful no matter how much of a kilogram or microgram they are. Children grow up to be like their parents because it is what they were taught, and it is the standard embedded in them. However, every once in a while there is a breakaway child, or one who starts a new standard.

The breakaway child is brave. They are brave enough to acknowledge that there is no standard & therefore nothing to compare to. This means that the breakaway child will grow up without bias & raise their kids from scratch. What this world needs is more breakaway children. There is no such thing as "wrong" or "correct" when raising children. There is as there is & we need the breakaway to have a diversity in personality. Because part of upbringing is the way one thinks things out. Because personality is what keeps us human.

Em, January 2009